A few days ago...

About two days ago I sent an email to my weird acting friend saying I'd feel better if she emailed me first from now on.  She hasn't emailed me and it depresses me but also shows me something.  She'll talk to me if I initiate it, but if she has to take the first step...why bother?  It hurts.  More then words can describe.  I have no one.  Just like before.  I'm left to navigate through this hell that is my life on my own.  People love me then leave me.  Friends...my first lover...  They all say the same thing "I won't leave you."  "I won't abandon you."  "Don't worry."  I know it's bullshit, and sometimes I tell them that.  The phrase 'history repeats itself' applies to everything...including our lives.