Friday, May 30, 2014

Using this as a diary again

Why do I still feel lonely, even thought I'm dating a great guy.  I don't always feel lonely, and it's decreased a lot.  But when I do feel it, it's intense.  The kind that creates depression.  I know I need/want more attention than most people can/are willing to give.  But I can't help it.  I can keep quiet about it, but that doesn't really get anything done.  The people I want attention from always fuss when I ask for it.  Calling me needy, telling me to shut up, or give it half-heartedly.  Those are just some examples.  So I'm scared/hesitant to ask for it because those responses make me feel like a burden and, even though it's not their intention, they embarrass me.  Which makes me extremely unlikely to ever ask again.  Sometimes, I don't even want to risk it.  Either I don't want to mess something up, it has annoyed them before, I don't want to feel rejected, or whatever.  So I end up holding it in and eventually I cry it out.  But it never all leaves...

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